Gra Nomad Wanderings

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Couples Hanging In There - II

I appreciated the comments people gave to Question 1 –
How do couples hang in there?

Some beaut wisdom there. My Mum used to say, “You’ve gotta work on it.” If you haven’t done so already I suggest you read the dozen or so comments. Won't take you long. I’d like to add a couple of thoughts:
1 Putting the other person first is certainly a must. As Rodney said – that doesn’t come naturally because we are selfish critters. (My translation!) BBSGIRL said you’ve gotta value your partner’s opinion. If you are really interested in your partner you’ll want him/her to grow – mentally, emotionally and spiritually, not just physically. Growing your partner is a vital one for me.
2 Most important is that people believe that they are in it for the long haul. I feel sorry for people who plan a means of escape. Yes, Smokes, you were right – “…getting to know the other person heaps before you get married.” Good start for a 21 year old single lass.
3 The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is an easy read – but an important one. I read it in bed with my wife, Fay. It opened my eyes as a 50+ year old. The mad scientist was right – find out what your partner’s primary love language is. It may be different to yours. Mine is PHYSICAL TOUCH. Fay’s are QUALITY TIME and ACTS OF SERVICE. Yep, quite different. Others are GIFTS and WORDS OF AFFIRMATION. Hey, you’ve gotta read the book.
4 There are gonna be tough times (well that’s been my experience.) I remember one night when I was so disenchanted with my marriage that I was going to drive off into the distance. I didn’t do it because Fay’s parents were staying with us for a few days and I thought if I take off in the car, Lorna will jump out of bed and want to know where someone is going at 3 am!!! That was about 1985. Yes, Bruce, you’re right…. gotta talk it out and solve it.
5 There are courses such as Marriage Enrichment, Marriage Encounter and Marriage Education, which can be really helpful. And they are not for people who are having problems in their marriage! Many people don’t do any training courses in this most important aspect of life. For me, married with 3 kids, I found the course Fay and I did, was really eye opening and extremely helpful.
I printed out the comments to the original post. (There’s some really beaut comments). If you want me to email them to you (about 2 pages) just drop me a note – - and I’ll send it to you.
Yes Rodney, you can’t do much better than have a read of 1 Corinthians chapter 13 – the love chapter.
And last but not least – try praying together. Might be a bit scary, but hey, are you fair dinkum? (To North Americans – means genuine or serious about this.) The family that prays together stays together.
I hope that’s been helpful. I’m touring a town near you in 2006 (probably!) LOL. Depart from Sydney for Santiago in about 12 days!
Now Kathi, I think I’d better shut up and invite comments.


At 1:14 AM, Blogger kathi said...

What a smart man you are. :)

Everyone, at one point, becomes 'disenchanted' with their marriage. There have been times I've been 'disenchanted' with my kids, too. Glad I've not left either.

At 1:18 AM, Blogger Jennifer said...

Thanks for the good words! I hope you come to Ohio.

At 1:21 AM, Blogger Keasty said...

Kathi and Jennifer.... you both crack me up! I'm smilin' like a Cheshire cat but I'm tired as all get out because it's 1:20 AM! So I'm off to join the bride who went to bed hours ago.
Hope to see you both later this year.
Have either of you got Skype?

At 11:49 PM, Blogger Live, Love, Laugh said...

Persistence is the key that unlocks the door, for sure!!!

At 6:15 AM, Anonymous Janice said...

Bernie and I were so impressed with your summary of" how couples hang in there". We were telling a friend of ours here (ex teacher who has retrained in general and relationship counselling and he wanted to have your blog spot.He does some work with couples having problems. I'm going to ring the library today and check out your book recommendation "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman

At 5:07 PM, Blogger Keasty said...

Dana, you certainly are sweeter than ever! And right! And Janice...married for more than 37 ...38 years...7 great kids...and now you have a tandem! I know you'll love 5 LOVE LANGS. I went to buy a copy today to give to a bloke...and the bookshop is closed on Mondays! A job for tomorrow. Thanks all.


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