iTECHNOLOGY, iAPPS, iKEASTY etc

 All this damn technology stuff. Strike! 
ddd
OK, so I've got this SMART PHONE. Sorry, I've got this iSMARTPHONE. I think I'm a regular SMARTYiPANTS!! It's HTC. Thanks iPete.
Now I figure I'll put an app on the phone. May be TOUR DE FRANCE. (Too late now for iWIMBLEDON! Congrats Andy Baby! I'll bet he has a bunch of apps on HIS phone.)  So, should I google it?

Clicked on marketplace.
Clicked on applications.
Looked at "6 updates" - no... wrong move I think.
Found this ICONICAL PLUS. Strike! $0.99. Just read a blurb with it (or about it). Can't understand anything it says... except maybe "wide tiles". No, I don't really understand that either.
Phone has gone off. (Mean the screen is blank. Black.
Restart.
"Categories" - yep, I got a chance of understanding that.
Try "news".
Clicked on "Aussie Weather" by mistake.
I can try or buy. .... Go for try.
"This trial version requires you click the nag button 30 times to proceed. This nag screen is removed in the full version."
Is there anybody else who doesn't understand this stuff? Surely cousin Brian and brother Bill wouldn't be able to do this stuff! They're both OVER 70. I'm UNDER 70 remember.
[Why did we make our kids leave home? Is it too late to invite them back? They'd be able to help.]
How come it says "top free new categories" and then it tells me they cost $2.99 and all that. How often do they charge me $2.99? Does somebody come round and collect the money?
"Where is my car?" and another one is "SydBus". I think these are apps.
"NSW Trains", "I am Here!" "Trailmap", "Australian Bike Share", "Le Tour 2013"..... the list goes on.
fff
Some people have given up drink for the month. Good onya. I'm thinking of taking it up!!! Is there anybody else out there having probs? Surely I'm not the only one. Now I know why some people chuck theirs in the creek, surf, toilet etc.
Thanks for helping. Now.... think I'll have an afternoon snooze. Trying to act my age.