HOT PROPERTY

HOT PROPERTY

From Sunday Telegraph 5 August 2007

Can’t meet a man? Bid for one!
Kathy Buchanan laughed her way through a real live man auction.

When an email arrived advertising a man auction at Sydney’s Art House Hotel, I knew I had to go. I’m not exactly cashed up at the moment, but I figured if I couldn’t afford Mr Right then maybe I could put Mr Right Now on lay-by.
So, one Saturday afternoon a cute guy escorts me into the auction where I am given a pink carnation and a quick lesson on bidding etiquette by entrepreneur Monica Eonazzolo, the creator of Buy a Date Auctions. She warns me, “Don’t wave the flower unless you’re a serious bidder.”
There are about 30 or so men and women aged from their early twenties to late forties in the top-floor bar. Smartly dressed in heels and make-up, they are huddled in expectant groups of two or three.
Today there are six gorgeous eligible single guys aged from 25 to 47 being auctioned off.
So far no-one is looking interesting enough for me to put off buying those cushions I’ve had my eyes on. That is until Jeremy Keast, 28, appears. He works in a bar, but is a PE teacher who wants to become a comedian.
Kylie and I corner him on an auction break to discover more. He’s 190 cm tall, dark and handsome, and a self-confessed former heartbreaker.
After some deliberation, I raise my pink carnation, kicking off the bid for Jeremy with a proud “$12”.
I nervously try to ward off the competition with an evil eye. A young blonde sings out “$13”. I immediately offer “$14…$15,” outbidding myself.
Jeremy’s clearly the hot property eye candy here today so soon there are five of us in a bidding war. I stay in the game to $52.50. When the auctioneer asks, “Can I hear $60?” I yell out, “Do a cartwheel!” If I’m shelling out I want my money’s worth.
Jeremy obliges with a dodgy half-cartwheel. A brunette in black stiletto boots blows me out of the water with a $70 bid.
Kylie holds my bidding arm back and says sternly, “Kath, I know you want him but do you need him?” I slump my shoulders. She’s right. That’s way past my monthly budget for paying men to date me.
Finally I hear, “Sold to the lady in the black dress and boots.” But I’m a good sport, so when Bootsie wins her man for $80, I give her a congratulatory smile and look on jealously while Jeremy kisses her on the cheek and gallantly buys her a drink.
I figure it probably wouldn’t have worked out with him anyway. At least this way I’ve had a very funny afternoon out. And I’ll always have my new Freedom pillows to snuggle up to late at night…

I wonder how much the drummer above would have brought? Maybe not too many ladies (other than Dot, Dianne, Fay) who'd like to take him to dinner!!!