Gra Nomad Wanderings

Sunday, April 08, 2007

MY SELFISHNESS


Here I am sitting in Bob and Wendy’s lounge, living in their home here in Perth, sleeping in their bed. It just doesn’t seem right. I never saw Bob ill, so I’m finding it hard to believe he’s gone. It’s now six months since Bob passed away. It happened while we were in Croatia last year.
We last saw Bob and Wen and the family in August 05. I wrote in their visitors’ book:
Share with God’s people who are in need. Practise hospitality. Romans 12:13.
Thanks heaps for your generous and loving hospitality. We go back a long way and we thank God for our friendship with you and your lovely family.

That's what I wrote back in August 2005.

I think for me I become selfish in relationships. I want, I want, I want. Why did we come to Perth? I say to support Wen and the family – but yet I see a heap of selfishness in me. I don’t think I can properly support people while I have selfishness and while I am so self-centred.
Just read Romans 12:5 – So in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. Yes, I believe that.
I don’t believe I shared my faith very openly with Bob over our years of friendship. And he didn’t share his illness with me. So, the selfishness in me feels cheated that he’s gone. But the Christian in me feels shame that I haven’t done more for Bob while he was alive and now for Wen and family.
Just read Psalm 32 – and I know that God is my hiding place from every storm of life. Guess this is just another storm. A bugger of a storm.

I've had difficulty coming to terms with Bob's death, but I'm just about there now I guess.

What do I want to do for the rest of my life? I want to make a difference in the lives of others – I want to be an encourager – I want to bring glory to God.
What relief for those who have confessed their sins and God has cleared their record. Ps 32:1,2.
I feel great. I have come to terms with things. Thanks Lord.

Guess Bob was always teaching people things.... and now through all this, I've finally learnt something about myself. Sorry for anyone I've hurt along the way.

Still in Perth and fly to Adelaide Wednesday 11 April. Have enjoyed the cycling (with BFB Rodney) and swimming with Geoff (Bob and Wen's oldest son).

3 Comments:

At 10:36 AM, Anonymous Sarah said...

Hey Pottsy,

It's really easy to feel guilt when we lose someone - I should have been a better friend / daughter / sister / mother / brother etc, I should have told them how much I loved them, I should have etc.

The only thing that you can do is learn from the experience - beating yourself up over Bob does neither you nor he any good. He could have called you for help - he didn't.

What you feel you didn't provide to Bob - provide to your other friends and family, and Bob's family. Let that be Bob's legacy.

Just don't get too religious on me.

Sarah

 
At 8:53 PM, Blogger bbsgirl said...

I'm sure your friend Bob knows you were a very best freind and not as selfish as you claim to be. Most times when people are suffering through an illness, they choose not to mention it so that people won't look at them differently and only be around because of the illness and that they feel badly for them. I beleive your friend Bob just wanted and enjoyed your company because you were around him for him.

I hope this made sense..I don't always have a good way with words. I am sorry for your loss a this good friend. Dealing with such a loss is something everyone does differently. I'm happy that you know God so well and that you feel comforted.

 
At 10:36 PM, Blogger Grahame Keast said...

Thanks Sarah and Jan. Yeah, you're both right.
Yes, we all deal with such events differently.... think it's important to express them to people who are important to you.
Currently in Wentworth.... and head to Swan Hill (this won't help Jan) in Victoria for several days. Then Junee, WW and Temora.

 

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